Every October, I challenge myself to do something that pushes my limits—something that genuinely scares me. I’ve swum with sharks, gone hang-gliding, and tried other nerve-wracking experiences. These kinds of controlled challenges are thrilling, and while they’re frightening, I know I’m intentionally putting myself in that position. But life throws its own scary situations our way, and those aren’t something we sign up for. Losing a job, losing a loved one, enduring surgeries, or facing a family member’s mental health struggle are some of the unexpected trials I’ve faced. These are the “scary things” that test us beyond what we prepare for.

Looking back, I often found myself behaving in ways I didn’t fully understand when facing these tough, unfamiliar situations. There was an intensity and rawness in my emotions, a need to respond quickly, yet a struggle to feel in control. In the midst of it, I was searching frantically for answers and solutions that didn’t seem to come. These responses weren’t “perfect” or “graceful,” but they were real, and they helped me recognize that not knowing is part of the journey. The reactions, I now understand, were born out of that feeling of being caught off guard—thrust into something I didn’t see coming.

With time and training in conflict resolution and brain health, I’ve learned that it’s okay to react with intensity when we’re unprepared. Embracing those emotional responses as valid and natural is an essential step in processing difficult moments. By learning to navigate these feelings, I can allow myself to feel them fully while creating room to process and heal. Each experience, no matter how overwhelming, has taught me how to bring my emotions into focus rather than letting them take over entirely.

I still wonder sometimes, “Could I have been more prepared?” But life’s scariest moments don’t usually come with warnings. I can’t expect myself to have perfect reactions in unprecedented times, but I can forgive myself for past responses and commit to being a little better each time. Growth doesn’t mean perfection; it means allowing ourselves to be brave, even when it feels impossible. So, whether the challenge is swimming with sharks or navigating loss, each experience builds courage—courage to face whatever comes next, one step at a time.