Sometimes Falling Is the Lesson

I have fallen more times than I can count. I have the bruises, aches, and pains to prove it. With my limb difference and using crutches, falling has been part of my life. I don't particularly enjoy it, but falling has taught me something about being human. Sometimes we slip. Sometimes we misjudge a step. And sometimes we need the humility to recognize that we don't always have it all together.

I've realized that I can “fall” in communication too. Maybe I didn't fully understand what someone was trying to tell me. Maybe I jumped ahead and assumed I knew what they were going to say. Maybe I was already thinking about my response instead of being fully present. I'm especially guilty of coming into conversations with solutions. My instinct is often to help, fix, or find the next step. But lately I've been asking myself a much simpler question: “Did this person actually ask for my help?” Maybe they didn't need my advice. Maybe they just needed me to listen.

That's when I have to consider whether my communication slip caused someone else to stumble. Did the person feel talked down to? Dismissed? Did I unintentionally take away their opportunity to figure something out for themselves? We become so accustomed to being the helper or the hero that we can forget something important: sometimes allowing another person to talk through the why, the what, and the how gives them the opportunity to become the hero in their own story. Instead of immediately providing an answer, we can ask questions, listen, and give them space to discover what they already know.

When I physically fall, there are times when I genuinely need someone to help me. But more often than not, I can get back up on my own. I've learned to appreciate the person who pauses long enough to ask, “Do you need help?” instead of assuming that I do. Maybe that's a lesson we can carry into our conversations, our leadership, and our relationships. Before we rush in with the solution, perhaps we can pause, listen, and ask. Sometimes the greatest help we can offer someone is giving them the space to discover that they can get back up on their own.